The Red Cross is stalking me

I am ashamed to admit that I never gave blood until a few years ago.  One of my schools had a memorial blood drive for a deceased staff member and after years of fearing I'd pass out, throw up, or flip out, I finally decided to see if my blood was fit for donation.  I was happy to know that not only could I donate blood, but I had a type that was in demand. 

Little did I realize that once I made the donor list, I'd be called as soon as my minimum number of days were up.

And called.

And called.

And called.

When I realized that the "unknown" on my phone was almost always the Red Cross, I began to ignore the call which only made them worse.  They almost never left a message until they got desperate.  Then I'd get a recorded plea.  If that didn't work, I'd start getting things in the mail.

Eventually, I expected to see the Bloodmobile slowly drive back and forth in front of my apartment- only to take off with squealing wheels when I stepped outside. 

I finally answered when they called this time to tell them that I am sick and I'm currently unable to donate blood right this minute.  I also told them to please stop calling me constantly or I would stop donating.  The caller swore up and down that no one had called since November and that several calls could possibly come in that were marked as "unknown." 

I beg to differ.

I like giving blood.  I like knowing I help someone and I plan on giving again.  However, I just don't want to be hounded every 60 days as if I've defaulted on my car payments.

Taken for granted

I forgot that the water would be shut off today when I used my bathroom.  I found that flushing my toilet was not really an option.  I attempted to fill some buckets up with the pitiful stream coming from the tap, but eventually I had to go across the street to another unit's laundry room and use the utility sink.  This was even less fun since I'm feeling under the weather (hence being home on a weekday) and the 25mph winds.

I'd probably survive about 15 minutes in a 3rd world country.

I am not a trained professional

Occasionally I get people who latch onto me in real life or online who seem to think I am a therapist. 
While I am more than willing to give support to my friends, family,  neighbors, and coworkers,  I'm not too keen on becoming someone's little helper if I really do not know the person.  I'm not saying I won't be empathetic.  I think part of my problem sometimes is that I can feel too much of what others are feeling.  However, this usually applies to someone with whom I have some kind of relationship. 

I have friends from okc that I've never met but feel like I know.  There are several that I talk to about very personal things and I'm perfectly at ease with this.  However, when someone I've only talked to online for less than a week begins to discuss his relationship problems with me and then proceeds to reveal some very personal information with me after we've met on a dating site, I get a bit wary.

I can identify with some of what this person is going through.  I can understand feeling lonely, afraid that being single will be forever, and feeling like he will never feel what he felt with a previous love- I get all that.  I really do.  But I am not here to fix that.  I can tell him that everyone feels that, I can assure him that it passes, and I can suggest some things that may help with personal issues (such as the right therapist and meds), but in the end I am not here to fix anyone.  I'm not here to make anyone feel less desperately lonely.  Quite frankly, if that is how one is feeling, then dating may not be an option at the moment.

I initially joined okc pretty much feeling just that.  My heart was broken, my self esteem was pretty awful, and I more or less felt like I was made of glass inside.  I was not girlfriend material.  I was not even fit to meet anyone for a cup of coffee.  I was a hot mess and made some pretty bad decisions as a result.

In time things got better.  I began liking myself again, I found joy and contentment in my life just as it was, and I eventually had a stable and functional relationship for almost a year.  Although it ended, I don't view it as a failure.  I learned that I am in good working order and I'm capable of something I wasn't sure I was anymore and I view that as a very good thing.

Still...

I don't have any great words of wisdom for you.  I can't make it all better.  That isn't my job, your mom's job, your friends' job, or anyone's.  It's yours.



You.
 

hall of dead guys

My one principal is really into leadership and Einstein.  Since Steve Jobs died, he's been into him too.  I think he fancies himself as some kind of visionary who is transforming education through being an insufferable tool.. and marrying his student teacher (she better watch herself because she's getting a bit long in the tooth and he likes them young). 

Anyway, he's begun to put framed pictures/quotes of Einstein, Jobs, Lincoln , MLK, and Kennedy in the hallway.  I've named it the Hall of Dead Guys. 

There are no women up on the wall. Maybe there are no women in leadership roles who are hot or thin enough for him. 

I decided to turn my cramped classroom (I share it with 2-4 other staff and 14 students throughout the week) into my own little gallery of leaders.  I cut and pasted pictures and quotes of Rosa Parks, Amelia Earhart, An San Suu Kyi, and Madam Curie into little posters and stuck them up near the door.  Of course this is the day The Walking Tool decided to come into the room.  He didn't comment.  I'm thinking of adding Frida Kohlo and Madeline Albright. 

Maybe no one will read them or bother to look them up.  But I know who they are and why I put them there, and knowing that will be a small comfort as I walk past all the dead guys every day.

Late night

My friends played out tonight and since I didn't have to work I went out to see them.  I've been going to see them play for almost 20 years and I never get tired of their music.  However, I do get tired.  I made it through the first set and then I began to yawn like crazy and had to head home. 

There was a time when I could close places down with them.

They told me they are playing out New Year's Eve which sounds tempting but I don't go out on NYE anymore because people in large groups annoy the hell out of me- especially when they are drunk.  I'm hoping my friend is going to come over and hang out...and maybe I'll make it to midnight.

my best laid plans...

...have been put aside today due to a pounding headache.  I woke up with it but decided to attribute the pain to not getting coffee early enough.  When it didn't go away after coffee, I thought the weather might be making my sinuses act up.

Two hours and two Tylenol later, it was still there.  I tried my neti pot, cold compresses, and finally a hot bath (whilst pouring water on my head because for some reason this usually works) and all I had to show for it was a wet head and bathwater the faded color of cranberry from the dye I recently used.

I had planned on helping my friend Amy paint her new place and going out with my mom today.  All I've managed to do instead is a load of laundry.  Oh, and a lap for a sleeping poodle.

post post post

I had written an entry but I decided to delete it.  I created this blog mainly because I miss the journal feature on okc and when I joined again, it just felt strange not to see it.  I met some fantastic people through that feature.  I don't know why they took it away.  The personality awards and the forums are gone too.  Now it is just like any other site in a lot of ways.



I took the dating profile test and came out as the same persona.  I like being "The Maid of Honor."